oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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