That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
