Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
