dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
love makes seman taste better
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
