Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
