I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
