I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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