I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
