is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
