he shaved USA in his pubs
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
