so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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