he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
