she kept yelling 'call me bella'
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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