Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
