It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
