After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
