Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
