So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
