i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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