This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
