Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
