Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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