We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
