I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
