i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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