So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
