I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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