i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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