Non-Jews are for practice
her facebook's as public as her vagina
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
