dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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