Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it was like eating out sand paper
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
