At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
