my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
no, he came in my armpit
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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