my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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