is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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