Your face is a jimmy john
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
