I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
