On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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