But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
