That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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