dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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