big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
