This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
