Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
