Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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