Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
