i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
