i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
