Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
