Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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