Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
