i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
