oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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