so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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