come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
