My brain says no but my pants say off.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
