he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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