I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
