I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Randomize
