and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
