Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
