they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I think I died a long time ago.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
