You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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