oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
