it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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