My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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