All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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