She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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