thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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