he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
