I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
