as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
