He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
